Abusive Relationships with Narcissists Part II

Abusive Relationships with Narcissists Part II Moreover, the narcissist is a man for all seasons, always adaptable, constantly imitating and emulating, a human sponge, a perfect mirror, a chameleon, an agency that is not at the same time, all entities combined. The narcissist is best described by the words of Heidegger: "Being and nothingness." In this absence of reflection, this sucking black hole, the narcissist attracts the sources of his narcissistic supply. To an observer, the narcissist appears to be fractured or discontinuous. Pathological narcissism has been compared with dissociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality disorder). By definition, the narcissist has at least two, the true and the false. His personality is very primitive and disorganized. Living with a narcissist is a nauseating experience not only for what it is? but because of what is not. He is not a human? but a dizzyingly kaleidoscopic gallery of ephemeral images, which merge seamlessly into each other. E 'extremely disconcerting. It is also very problematic. Promises made by the narcissist are easily disowned by him. Their plans are transient. Their emotional? a farce. Most narcissists have an island of stability in their life (spouse, family, career, a hobby, their religion, nationality, or idol)? pounded by the turbulent currents of a disheveled existence. The narcissist does not keep agreements, does not respect the laws and social norms, and regards consistency and predictability degrading traits. Therefore, to invest in a narcissist is a vain and useless activities sense. For the narcissist, every day is a new beginning, a hunt, a new cycle of idealization and devaluation, invented a new car. No accumulation of credits or goodwill because the narcissist has no past or future. Has taken this time and forever. It is a fossil caught in the freezer of a volcanic ash childhood. TIP They refuse to accept such behavior. Reasonably predictable and rational application of the actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences and priorities. An overreaction of the favorite tools of manipulation in the arsenal of the narcissist is the disproportion of his reactions. Which reacts with supreme rage to a minimum slightly. Were severely punished for what he perceived as a crime against him, no matter how minor. Launching a temper Tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently expressed and considered. Or you may act attentive, charming and seductive (even more than sex, if necessary). This changing landscape emotional (affective dunes "), together with an overly harsh and arbitrarily applied? Penal Code? are promulgated by the narcissist. Need dependence and the source of all justice inflicted? transformed the narcissist? therefore guaranteed. TIP demand equal treatment and proportionality. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behavior. If you are up to the inevitable confrontation, react in kind. That taste some of their medicine. Dehumanizing objectification and people need to believe in the empathic skills and basic good heart for others. By dehumanizing and objectifying people? the narcissist attacks the very foundations of the social pact. This is the "alien" of narcissists? They may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults, but there are emotional or, at best, immature. This is so awful, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric? people falling in terror. Then, with their defenses absolutely down, that are the most sensitive and vulnerable to narcissistic control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanization and objectification. TIP Do not show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not give in to blackmail. If things get difficult to separate, involving the police, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally). Do not keep abuse a secret. The secret is the weapon of the aggressor. Never give him a second chance. React with all their arsenal for the first violation. Abuse Information> From the first moment of an encounter with another person, the narcissist is in roaming. The information is collected with the intention to apply later to extract narcissistic supply. The best known is the potential source of supply? is in the best position to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert to the cause. " The narcissist does not hesitate to misuse the information obtained, regardless of its intimate nature or the circumstances in which he won. This is a powerful tool in its arsenal. TIP be guarded. Do not be too forthcoming in a first or casual encounter. Collection of intelligence. Be yourself. Do not misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities and red lines. Do not behave inconsistently. Do not go by his word. Be firm and resolute. Situations The narcissist engineers impossible impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations, as to be indispensable and necessary. The narcissist, his knowledge, skills and characteristics of his being the only applicable and useful to address these difficulties artificial. This is a form of control by proxy. TIP Keep away from this quagmire. Examine all offers and suggestions, no matter how innocuous. Prepare backup plans. Keep others informed of their location and current situation. Be vigilant and doubting. I am not naive and suggestible. Better than cure. Check Proxy If all else fails, the narcissist recruits friends, colleagues, classmates, family members, authorities, institutions, neighbors, or the media? in short, third parties? to make their offer. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, groped, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as the control plans for its latest prey. Which employs the same mechanisms and devices. Landfills and his props unceremoniously when the job is done. Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted on another person. These scenarios involve carefully humiliation and embarrassment and social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment). Society or social group in the instruments of the narcissist. TIP Often the abuser of power are not aware of their role. Exposes him. Inform. Demonstrate to them how they are abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser. Trap your abuser. As you try to deal with. Involve others. Put it in the open. Nothing like the sun disinfest abuse. Promoting environmental abuses, the spread and strengthening of a climate of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse or demonstrable, or configuration management control. However, the irritating feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. This is sometimes called "gaslighting. In the long term, such an environment erodes the sense of self-esteem and self confidence. Self-confidence is badly shaken. Often, victims do a paranoid or schizoid and thus more exposed to criticism and opinion. The roles are reversed: the victim is considered mental disorders and narcissistic? suffering of the soul or the victim. TIP Run! Get away! Environment, abuse often develops into open violence. It should not be an explanation to anyone? but a lifetime. Bail out of the relationship. The optimism of malicious abuse often encounter sad examples of the powers of self-deception that the narcissist provokes in his victims. This is what I call "malignant optimism". People refuse to believe that some questions are unsolvable, some diseases incurable, some disasters inevitable. See a sign of hope in every fluctuation. Who read and random pattes in each event, the pronunciation, or slip. They are deceived by their pressing need to believe in the ultimate victory of good over evil, health over sickness, over disorder. Otherwise, life seems so meaningless, so unjust and arbitrary? Therefore, to impose a design, progress, goals and pathways. This is magical thinking. "If only tried long enough," "If you really only wanted to heal", "If only we find the right therapy", "If only his defenses are down," "There must be something of good and worthy under the hideous facade "," Nobody can be that evil and destructive "," There must be different "," God or a higher being, or spirit or soul is the solution and the answer to our prayers, "He is not responsible for what it is - his narcissism is the product of a difficult childhood, abuse, and his monstrous parents. "Pollyanna defend the abused are aimed against the emerging and horrible understanding that humans are mere specks of dust in a totally indifferent universe, the forces of evil toys and sadistic, which the narcissist is one - and finally, that the their pain means nothing to anyone but themselves. Not at all. All to no avail. Holders of such thinking in barely undisguised narcissistic contempt. For him, it's a sign of weakness, the scent of prey, a major vulnerability. Uses and abuses of human need for order, good, and its meaning? the uses and abuses of all other human needs. Credulity, selective blindness, malignant optimism? These are the weapons of the beast. And the hard work of abuse are provided by the armory.